Moving Through Difficult Feelings

In our natural state, we experience a feeling of wellbeing—energetic, comfortable, joyful and at ease. But, to some extent, we all veer away from this due to life events and physical and emotional disturbances.

When we fall from our natural state to one of worry, anxiety, anger, depression or fear, there are tools available to help us climb back to balance again.

When we first experience that drop in vibration, that sinking into the darker feelings, we usually go through stages. If we can define these by becoming aware of what is happening to us, we can move through them back to wellbeing much faster. A deep, life changing event will naturally take more time.

The three stages to move through are:


The natural response to the initial shock of bad news, whether caused by feeling offended, distressed, angry or sad, is to resist what is being said, felt, or what is happening. The calm you had felt before is shattered. There are three responses to this stage,

  1. Self-Blame
  2. Blaming others
  3. Ignoring, denying

In all three, there is a strong desire for reality to be different than it appears at the moment. There is a pushing back from the negative emotions that are arising. The words flow through our heads as if we are in a verbal battle with ourselves or others. Or, in the case of wishing it to just go away, suppressing all thoughts of it, repressing the emotional reactions, and distracting oneself from the issue entirely.

2)      OUR STORY

Soon, we develop a story around the issue that more than likely reinforces our negative feelings about it. We want to justify our feelings so we wrap our rationale around them.  Our story keeps us in pain and turmoil or, in the case of ignoring the issue, validates its unimportance to give it attention. Either way, it does prevent us from experiencing our temporarily-submerged, always-present wellbeing.

3)      RE-FRAMING

In this stage, we do the necessary internal work to tell a new story that not only states what is really true but gives relief so our wellbeing rises back into our awareness. There are many tools you can have in your ‘tool kit’ to get you moving up the vibratory ladder. If we do not go through this stage, the bad feelings eventually go underground, possibly affecting our emotional and physical health. In this stage, we also acknowledge our feelings, allowing them to move through us and into the ether.

I have an example of something that happened last week in my own life. I received an email from an associate that one of my clients was making a ‘bad’ decision. I was surprised because he hadn’t spoken to me, and this client has been with me for several years. This was not his ordinary behavior. My heart sank, thinking what could be going on. I called him, braced for bad news. It turned out someone had sold him on an idea I wouldn’t advise. After I got off the phone, I quickly went from resistance and not wanting to believe this, to the story that someone coerced him into doing something that was not in his best interest. I was worried. I was sad. I felt powerless and afraid because it seemed like a significant risk to his financial health.  This was my story and it really made me suffer.  It had been a day filled with land mines already.

Then I stopped myself, realizing I was reacting to my story about it and I have the tools to rise from it. I analyzed the situation. Based in reality, what was really true? Why is this bothering me? What belief is causing me pain?  In The Work of Byron Katie, she would have me ‘turn it around’. So, if I think, “He is dumb for making this decision”—“Someone is taking advantage of him”—“He’s nuts for never asking me!” or “I must have done a bad job”—“Someone made him.”  I would turn that around to “He’s smart for making this decision”—“I’m dumb for making my decision”—“He’s taking advantage of someone else”— “I’m dumb for never asking him!” or “I’ve done a good job.”

Turning it around in as many ways as possible begins to loosen the grip the story has. Eventually, I realized that his decisions are solely his business, not mine. I am available for advice if he wants it and only if he wants it! In the larger picture, whatever he experiences is part of the great gestalt of his life, his karma, and his creation. If he loses money in a big way, so be it.  I can love him whatever he decides. (I love my clients.)

So, I allowed myself to move through these feelings from not being consulted, feeling somehow responsible for his decisions, and they left. As soon as I went through this mentally, my happiness flowed back. It took a few hours. That’s all.

And soon after that, good news came flowing to me as well.