(I just delivered this speech at my brother-in-law’s funeral. He was an icon in his north Indiana town. I am posting it here because of its universal message.)
We are here on Earth for such a brief time. And all of us at some point probably wonder why. When someone we love passes away and is no longer here with us, we may ask, ‘What is this all about? ‘ Why are we here?
It must have something to do with love. We can easily see it in our love for those we are close to. It’s a more complicated concept of love on a grander scale.
I was talking to my next-door neighbor a few years ago. We discussed how our society suffers from a lack of love for each other. She said, “We should just love one another.”
An idea popped into my head. I told her I was going to have that printed on t-shirts. That whole day, I was inspired to create them, along with our graphic artist, for the design. Then, I would advertise them, post them everywhere online, and sell them on my website. They would be a hit, everyone would want one, and I’d be spreading the word.
They turned out beautiful, with Just Love One Another encircled by a heart on the front. I made them in heather grey and red, 100% cotton t-shirts, made in America. I gave them to friends and relatives. Do you know what happened? No one bought them. No one. I could not believe people weren’t excited to get one! I ended up giving them away and donating them.
My message wasn’t getting through. What can we do? What is wrong with people?
It hit me recently that just telling others to love one another doesn’t work. We hear the message to love each other from our spiritual leaders, churches, temples, and mosques. But it doesn’t seem to sink in. People aren’t digesting the love message.
Watching the media, you would think many are impressed and motivated to emulate celebrities, influencers, and famous personalities. Are these the people we should try to be like?
I don’t think so! You cannot tell people to love one another, you have to exemplify it. How do we do this? Find role models. Learn from them. Watch them.
And look at the great love Mary and Charley had for 43 years of marriage. It is a great love story. And love never dies. He sure found gold when he found Mary. We can all learn so much from seeing Mary and Charley through the years and how they took such loving, selfless care of each other.
We should all be inspired to raise ourselves to the example Charley gave us: quiet kindness, helpfulness, encouragement, and humility. He truly exemplified the tenet to love each other. Treating everyone, whoever they are, with loving kindness. The stories we hear about his life and his life’s impact are extraordinary.
He cultivated the qualities outlined in the Beatitudes: humility, righteousness, mercy, purity, and peacemaking. The teaching in Matthew 25:40 is to love your neighbor. And St. Paul taught, “There is no ethnicity, race, sex, gender, religion, or nationality in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28. Erasing your individuality in favor of group identity and then judging you according to stereotypes assigned to that group violates Paul’s teaching, perpetuates racism, and is part of the perversion of Jesus’ teachings to love your neighbor. We all have the potential to do this. Let’s honor Charley with our efforts.
Finally, after losing my son, this came to me:
There are two kinds of pain: the love-pain and the self-pain.
- Love-pain is experienced when its source is deep love. In that love is exquisite pain that includes goodness.
- Self-pain has no love source. It emerges out of a lack of love, which is suffering.
They both hurt. But one holds seeds of transcendence. One warns that a change is needed.
And
What happens as time goes by after losing someone dear? Does the grief get less? No, but the heart grows so much bigger than the grief, overtaken by the great love you’ve awakened to. How else could you know how much love you had/have?
And I believe God made us out of love, so love we are.
