One of my friends wrote a beautiful piece upon returning home from a conference entitled, Journey to a Lighter Suitcase, which she has generously given me permission to share with you. In it, she confesses that when she was packing for the trip, she loaded up on all kinds of clothes, because she so wanted to fit in, so wanted to dress appropriate, and wasn’t sure which outfit would make her accepted by the group. The result was the heavy burden of an over-packed suitcase.

What a wonderful analogy for life. In our uncertainty, we load up on so many things to create the life we think will make us happy—collecting knowledge, experiences, or special grooming and clothing so that we may be accepted, respected, and gain success in a multitude of areas. But all these acquisitions and actions, along with our unprocessed layers of emotional experiences, mean a quite heavy suitcase. A heavy suitcase is unwieldly, thwarting swift movement. Think of how we had to lug our suitcases through the airports before someone came up with the idea to put wheels on them!

So do we want to continue hauling all this stuff, trying to put wheels on it to move it easier? Or do we want to release what isn’t necessary anymore, and in our unbridled, lighter self, rise into our revealed nature, full of our own glory?

You are all that, you know: brilliant, magnificent, creative, unlimited, and unique. Your personal expression is meant to be seen and felt on the planet unencumbered by those affectations.

So, I have some tools to help the shift to unloading what is old, unnecessary, or non-productive from your suitcase.  The first is the Set Your Intentions for 2016 instructions, and the second is My Goals Worksheet. Let’s all lighten our suitcases!

And here is my friend, Lauren’s, beautiful piece! In her story, we know she was ready to emerge from her cocoon, and the environment she found herself in allowed her to see that.

Journey to a Lighter Suitcase

By Lauren May

I attended a business meeting this past weekend. It was a powerful three days. I am not the same person, and as a result I will never pack my suitcase the same again. As I was getting ready for the weekend, I thought through what I needed to pack. I had all the for sure things like pajamas and a toothbrush. Those things don’t take up much room. Then I packed MY clothes, the clothes I love to put on when I think no one is looking…my comfy khaki’s and sweatshirt that I wore on the beach early each morning or the sweater and jeans that I wore in the elegant lobby late at night while reflecting on the day when no one was around except the lone check-in attendant and the cleaning crew.

But the bulk of the space in my suitcase was occupied by all the weight I carry to make up for part of me that feels ‘not good enough’ which had my suitcase overflowing. That layer included the clothes that would assure the hotel that I was a proper guest and not the ‘not good enough’ person I truly felt inside. Surely, the right clothes would hide the fact that I didn’t belong in this elegant place. It also included all the outfits for the business meetings in case our group dressed this way or that, uncertain what it would take to blend in and not be THE ONE who wore???? that would have me stick out like a sore thumb. There were even moments after my suitcase was stuffed and hard to zip shut that I thought maybe I needed to go buy…whatever… just in case. Running out of time and space was honestly what saved me from packing more.

On the first day of our meetings I wore my chameleon outfit; the outfit that isn’t too dressy, isn’t too casual. I would blend in enough this first day then adjust once I saw who I was supposed to be. It was a plan that had worked well at other business events. Yet it didn’t take long to realize that this meeting was different and this group was different.

Shortly into the first day I had an overwhelming sense of being accepted and honored and SEEN for who I was, not my clothes or my hair or my nail polish, (or lack of) or my purse or my shoes…NONE of it. It was like the moment when the Grinch realized there was something more to Christmas than just the presents and the feast. It was Spirit that mattered most in Whoville and Spirit that mattered most in my business meeting. This group saw my authentic self, not all the false images I present as me hoping to be good enough. I didn’t have to pretend to be witty or smart or powerful or anything. I just had to be me. Not only did I feel accepted, I felt honored and revered.  Relief doesn’t adequately describe the feeling. The protective wall that took a lifetime to build came tumbling down to reveal the true me, unencumbered by all the expectations of what I believed others wanted from me. Rather than feeling weak and vulnerable, I felt powerful and unapologetic. I felt liberated. What a gift! There is no turning back now.

From now on, when I travel, my suitcase will be much lighter. I no longer need to pack my ‘not good enough’ clothes or my ‘makes me fit in’ clothes…no! From now on I pack MY clothes, the clothes that allow me to be me. I will travel with an ‘enlightened load’.

Eventually those we admire will disappoint us. It happens to everyone; when our leaders or teachers voice something so divergent from our own beliefs that we shrink away. It’s normal. It is a sign we have become attached to a viewpoint. It is a moment for potential growth, if we recognize it.
We may have gotten too bound to one solution, one way. The further we move in this viewpoint, we may find we have painted ourselves into a corner. We can become addicted to this one way, so that when we hear someone agreeing with us we feel elation. When we hear a person voicing a different point of view, we feel anything from superiority to anger. The more extreme we become, the less opportunity there is for growth, awareness and joy.
Life is more flexible, stretching between yin and yan, continually changing; with infinite creativity, the universe encompasses endless possibilities.
Integration is the key for humanity going forward. Realizing differing views are aspects of ourselves to embrace. Not taking ourselves so seriously. Instead of looking for someone that can show you the way, be that someone you can have deep faith in, with courage, truth and strength. Your need for others to agree with you will vanish.

We are horrified by something tragic like the attacks in Paris. How can we not be? Seeing those who would slaughter innocents is beyond our comprehension. Trying to make rational sense of it, trying to understand the cause, may be an exercise in frustration.
Whatever happens next, give yourself a break from the news. Get up and take a walk in nature. Make plans to spend time with those you love. Look around at your life and feel grateful for all the small things, a warm shower, that cup of coffee, a shared laugh, a sweet song. Fill yourself up with love. Love is more powerful that hate.

All too often I hear from someone who is discouraged because he or she thinks so many other people on Facebook have sweet, perfect lives, filled with perfect relationships and endless opportunities for fun.

So it seems when we just post our best. This isn’t wrong. It’s fine to focus on the good things in our lives. Certainly it is healthy, and dwelling on the good enables us to notice and create more of it. But to those who don’t feel they are where they want to be, whether in challenging relationships or struggling with financial or health concerns, life isn’t like those posts on Facebook.

Life is messy, with all the highs and lows imaginable. Everyone has had struggles, failed relationships, frightening times, worried times, and pain that we can’t see. Almost all of us have lost loved ones, seen loved ones go to war, get ill or battle depression, if not ourselves.

This life includes a huge diversity of experiences. It holds amazing and wonderful things for all of us, but no one is excluded from the pain.
Know that the brave woman posting pictures of her happy, cherished children could be still feeling lost without her husband. The man with the perfect marriage may be facing a life threatening illness, or the young woman celebrating a move to another state may have just been rejected by the one she thought was the love of her life.

We are all in this glorious, chaotic, confusing, remarkable, muddled, and astonishing experience we call life. No one is exempt. We’re in this together. The strength of human kind is the incredibly powerful love we feel for one another, and we see it spread through Facebook too.

The ‘law of attraction’ can be a refreshing new thought to entertain, or it can be a real downer. It depends on many things, one of which is how you process information, what your beliefs and experiences have been, and of course where you are now in your life. It can be overwhelming to think that every thought you think can make unwanted as well as wanted things happen in your life. It can be a source of stress you heap upon yourself to think this is an area where you are failing.

Having coached others through all types of issues and observing my own results of setting intentions, watching thoughts, and visualizing, I want to clear up some misconceptions about what is possible, and when you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Firstly, we are born with a mind/body type which somewhat filters, in a way, the information coming to us from the world. Our perception leans in a particular direction if it is unexamined. Ayurveda, an ancient healing tradition from Eastern Yogic wisdom, is an excellent body of knowledge to determine your own type. Take a quiz here. Earth type, or Kapha, will tend to withdraw in sadness when stressed, Fire, or Pitta, will stew or lash out in anger at others who are blamed, and Air, or Vata, will feel anxious and worry how they caused the problem. When attempting to create a wanted reality using the law of attraction, each type will react differently when a failure is experienced (note here, there is no failure, only missed expectations). Kapha may get down, Vata might become anxious and Pitta may become irritated.

Secondly, our experiences, which we consume during our lifetime, also shade our beliefs, what we think is possible, and what we don’t even entertain because it appears outside of what we think is possible.

Thirdly, our resultant expectations and how they have been shaped by the first two points.

Trying to think positive without knowing yourself and your own reactions may cause you to become anxious, depressed, or even angry.

The reasons for this are obvious once you learn to observe your thoughts, witness your reactions, and develop the ability to distance yourself from the drama and chaos that normally runs through people’s minds on a daily basis. This emotional, human side of us isn’t our true selves. Our true selves are hidden beneath the turbulent mind. Our spiritual, inner-self is peaceful and still; a stillness that is replete with bliss, wonder and contentment. This is who we are, and the more we tap into that part of us, the more tools we have to create whatever it is we want. Hence, the law of attraction eventually and naturally becomes a part of our experience.

The law of attraction is but a part of the grand cosmic design that also includes the misunderstood karma, duality, and archetypal energies to name a few. As we grow in awareness, the law of attraction becomes more conscious as a natural component. We find our desires become fulfilled easier and we don’t get so upset when things don’t go our way.

We learn what we focus on increases, what we resist, persists, and we can clearly observe this.

I will give you an example. Recently, I was sitting cross-legged on the floor in a nook of a meditation hall at a silent retreat, when I noticed a woman lying down on her back in the center of the floor. She was obviously in some discomfort, for she often fidgeted. She was wearing several bangle bracelets, so every minor adjustment she made caused a jangling sound. As I paid attention to this, it grew more irritating. Thoughts increased in my mind such as, I should tell someone to make an announcement to not wear jingly jewelry to meditation, and I can’t believe she doesn’t realize how much noise she is making. Surely it’s bothering other people too. A part of me knew this was just the ramblings of my egoic mind.

The next day I moved to another corner, and she ended up pulling up right beside me. The third day I sat in one of the regular seats and the lady behind me was making lots of noise. When I got up, sure enough, it was the same woman. It was then I had to laugh at myself and realize the creator of this whole tale about this woman was myself. That was all it took. I never saw her again after my realization.

From small things to great things, it works the same way. What we pay attention to will become more present in our lives. When we are grateful for all the gifts life presents us with, the sun, the breeze, clean clothes and good food, nice people around us and work to do, more of it appears. When we just notice the lack of desired things or that we aren’t yet where we want to be, more and more of that will show up. More evidence of what we don’t have will be displayed in front of us.

It is key to notice where you are that is good. To be kind and generous to yourself as you watch the thoughts that cause you to suffer, and don’t buy into them. The easiest way to shift into this awareness is to begin a meditation practice. The more you meditate the more you develop the ability to watch your ego going through its goofy, false machinations and laugh at them. There are other mindful practices too: a walk in nature, practicing presence whatever you are doing, going over your day in your mind when you lie down to go to sleep, witnessing in a few minutes what transpired, (recapitulation) and observing your physical sensations.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mention the painful emotions that naturally arise whenever old hurts or memories come up. This is a gift, because it is an opportunity to allow acknowledgment of this feeling. Without labeling or entertaining a story about it, witness the physical sensation of this feeling and observe it until it subsides. Continued practice of this will enable these old repressed emotions to be cleared, further enabling wanted things to flow to you. A great book on this is Letting Go by Dr. David Hawkins.

The most important thing is this: make it easier on yourself. The kindness you extend to yourself has the greatest returns. As you become aware of your thoughts and reactions to the world around you, you now give yourself a choice. You choose how to react, you choose what is important to you, not based on what other people think, but based on what is in your heart. You will laugh at the goofy thoughts that come into your head sometimes, seeing where they came from.

And the law of attraction will be as common in your life as the wind, it will become a normal event, you’ll only notice it once in a while, but you know it is there and it causes no stress.

What holds us back from the complete freedom we crave? One of the reasons we tell ourselves is that we can’t because we don’t have enough money, which represents security to most of us.

As someone who has made a career out of assisting people on this topic it pains me to see others suffer in their thinking about money. I know we have all heard how money is just an energy exchange, it isn’t a ‘thing’ at all, just a symbol. But knowing this doesn’t seem to help.

There is so much fear in our society and our world from beliefs about money. For all the good that money can do, we still see misguided uses of it. If we have a good amount, we worry about the safety of it and our ability to hang on to it. If we don’t have enough, it looms like an impending storm, with the lack of it ready to create a crisis. It takes over our thoughts and we worry about the future. Certainly money must be there!

Someday, in the not too far future, I think we will have transitioned to a different system of exchange. One that honors each person, and every effort brings in response some type of acquisition. Each acquisition or service used creates a deficit that is balanced by a person’s inherent gifts and talents. The media and internet teem with projections of a terrible collapse, but fear not, this will be a slow and gradual evolution, not some cataclysmic financial tsunami.

So what do we do until then? The quickest, easiest way to prosper as an individual is to grow in your awareness of the infinite support the universe is availing you, right now. I’ve defined some steps to open your consciousness to a new paradigm where you will feel the support that is already yours.

The horrors in the world are of our own making. Know we are part of society and responsible for that which we rail against. Taking responsibility is the first step. I heard recently about a group of activists on kayaks filling a bay to protest against oil companies, yet they are on plastic boats made from petroleum. They are denying their participation of an industry they object to.

1)      Take responsibility for your energetic contribution to the less than ideal circumstances of the world. It is your unexamined beliefs and assumptions that perpetuate the status quo. When you dwell in worry and doubt, when you form within you an ‘against’ position, when you hate the ‘haters’, hate the corporations, or hate the government, it adds to the conflicted state of the world. Discover the peace that exists deep within your being so that it may be extended out into the world as a healing balm.

2)      Become aware of your criticism of others who happen to be wealthy. It isn’t a character flaw to be prosperous, it is merely a result of their beliefs about what is possible. Among the wealthy is a wide range of maturity levels and spiritual awareness. Wealth is independent of what you may think is a ‘good’ person. The character of a person is exhibited by how they live, how they contribute and show kindness, not whether they are wealthy or not. You will hold financial success at bay if you regard wealthy people as corrupt, evil, selfish, etc.

3)      Help lift others up. One of the shortcuts to security is helping others become secure and prosperous. And realize security is found within, not without. If you can show others how they can trust in themselves, trust in life, trust their inspiration and passions, you will be lifted too. If you find this type of security, money will follow and flow naturally and it will be a nonevent.

4)      Focus on using your life as your unique expression, being you as completely and fearlessly as you possibly can. This will take you places you’re not even aware of right now. Delve into the discovery of all that you are. The resources, ideas, people, energy, events, and doorways will all show up at the perfect time. When you are moving in alignment with your highest path it will become so strong, the creative impulse so intense, you will have no other option but to engage in it fully.

5)      Ask for guidance. Your guides, angels and loved ones on the Other Side are awaiting your requests. They are circling you, waiting for you to notice their messages. They are subtle, and could be easily discounted or doubted. If it occurs to you it is a message—that is a sign it is. They come in whispers in your mind, your eyes landing on a certain phrase, a stranger with news, a sudden urge to create something, all directing you toward your destination.

6)       There is so much in this life to explore, learn and discover and the greatest discovery of all is finding your own divine nature! Then, when you have awakened to your true self, money is nothing you have to worry about.

 

Envision a beautiful castle surrounded by lush green undulating land. There is a clear, clean bubbling brook running through the property. Tall, majestic trees line the fields. Flowers grow along the drive to the castle itself and there is a mote surrounding the castle.

Within your castle is your pure self, void of any other person’s issues, opinions, criticisms, problems and judgments. Within your kingdom, your life is fresh, expansive, and always creating from your heart and soul. It is joyful and peaceful.

The mote holds the other concerns outside of your emotional experience. You can see the problems of others and help them with compassion. You are a source of strength and guidance to others. You remain steady in the midst of their struggles.

But sometimes you leave your castle, crossing over the mote. Having left your kingdom, you enter into the kingdoms of others. When others judge you, label you, or treat you hurtfully, you are left vulnerable. You’ve left the strength of your kingdom behind.

When others are suffering emotionally or physically, you want to be compassionate; but, outside of your kingdom, you go from witnessing their pain to descending into their pain. You hurt right along with them. You are no longer the source of strength they needed.

Once outside of your kingdom, you lose your confidence; if a boss criticizes you, or a mate, friend or foe, you withdraw into self-retribution or strike out. Outside of your kingdom, you feel defenseless and don’t realize what happened.

Measuring yourself against some outside example in any area, including education, parenting, career, image or possessions always means you’ve left your kingdom.

Staying within your kingdom is a practice that is ongoing.

The first step is understanding and recognizing when you’ve left it, what are the signs?

First of all, your kingdom and its attributes are who you really are.  It is your birthright. You’ve been given command over your life, an amazing system in which to create, and unlimited resources to do so. When you aren’t experiencing your kingdom, you may notice one or more of these:

• You aren’t fulfilled
• Frustration in your careers
• Wish you had more money
• Not enough time
• Negative self-talk
• _______________

Fill in the blank! Whatever is pulling your from peace, your dreams, your inspirations.

Staying in your kingdom gives you clarity, creativity, and wellbeing. So why do we leave? We may be pulled into other’s conflicts, worry about other’s opinions, make choices based on other’s influences instead of our own inner guidance or have a belief of what we ‘should’ be doing that isn’t really honoring us.

Identify what is not in your kingdom, i.e. the happiness and experiences of others, cultural messages, what success looks like, looking for approval and so on.

The second step is learning skills to get you back.

The key here is knowing who you are. Being aware of what you are telling yourself, what you are feeling, and getting in touch with your higher knowing where your thinking is clear and accurate.

The emotions that are felt from allowing yourself to be pulled into the kingdoms of others are the feelings that derive from fear. The body is always registering either comfort or discomfort. These are the clues that tell you where you are in relation to your authentic, timeless, boundless, creative self.

When these fear-based emotions arise, allow them to be recognized and name them. Try not to push them back down. Let them go.

The third step is how to stay in your kingdom.

Activate your self-referral. This is a function of moving from your ego-based self to your higher self. Here you have your intuition and inner intelligence available. This becomes easier if you meditate and do some type of yoga to grow in your self-awareness.  Within your kingdom, you will find solutions and wellbeing.

When you learn to claim your own kingdom, your sense of peace and clarity is the stasis that you return to again and again.

 

 

When someone does something you view as despicable, it can cause an uncomfortable feeling in your gut, along with the feeling of anger at that person or group of people.  And here is where your spiritual practice comes in because feeling this way causes you to suffer.

I had this happen recently. This ‘offense’ happened to a loved one, not myself directly, but I took it on as my responsibility to be outraged as well. I worked with this in the ways I knew how —   meditation, observing and questioning thoughts, working on the physical sensations of the anger through yoga, and it all gave me temporary relief until someone brought it up again or I had to tell someone about this group (actually a group of lawyers*) that had done the offending, I would then feel the anger rising again.  There is a visceral reward to fueling the anger, a blast of energy flooding the system and providing strength; but, in the end, it is miserable.

Last night, I received news that our office building had a theft; our two A/C units outside were stolen. It had happening before, 6 years ago. But I didn’t get mad. I was momentarily disappointed that this would be expensive, then I quickly gave gratitude that we have the resources to cover it.  This morning, I was talking to someone who became angry at the thieves, and I realized that hadn’t come up for me. I also know deep in my heart that those who stole from us were just trying to feel better, thinking maybe additional money would do it. It won’t; so they didn’t gain anything other than more suffering.

This morning, I was able to juxtapose that to the group of lawyers and realize that their actions are from a place where they are just trying to feel better.  If they get this money, or ruling, or action, they will feel better. We know it doesn’t work that way, yet it is the world that they are living in.

Once realizing this, and realizing, to put it as a wise friend did, that my loved one is queen of her kingdom, as I am queen of my kingdom, and this is happening in her kingdom, I am able to detach myself from the drama of it. This is the gift I am grateful for.

 

*This is not a derision of all lawyers, I know many good people who are good lawyers.

 

This year is something of a year of upheaval for myself and other people I know. Has it been for you, too? It is as though life took a sudden turn and we are knocked off balance trying to regain our footing again.

When we get to a point in our life where we think we have it all figured out, where we have it organized in a clear pattern of activities, self-care, spiritual practices and good relationships,  often it just doesn’t stay that way. Life is change and the challenge is in being able to not only cope with that, but to thrive no matter what.

When life throws our ordinary days out to be replaced with drama, crisis, or other undesired events we have a tendency, depending on our constitution, to feel anxiety, depression, or even anger.  This is natural, but it can then bring in more issues such as self-criticism that we aren’t handling it ‘spiritually’ or correctly. Getting back to our ‘higher’ selves is in order.

We often try to push these feelings down and force ourselves to move through our days as if we are unaffected. This compounds the problem, because we can’t clear out the emotional ‘garbage’, the undigested feelings that will keep begging for acknowledgment. This causes insomnia, over-eating or lack of appetite, irritability, lack of focus, etc.

We can develop skills to deal with this and come out the other side more aware, happier, and clearer than we ever were before. This is the process of our personal evolution, and I believe it is happening at a faster pace than ever before. So here are some tips that may help you get yourself back to your highest possible self when facing difficulties:

1)      Check in with your body often, it will tell you when you are becoming over-stressed. You will feel a tightness or tenseness within. Take 3 or 4 deep belly breathes until it eases.

2)      Find space in your day to be able to acknowledge and release your emotions, whether to cry or pummel a pillow, or just sit still in observation, witnessing them leaving your body.

3)      Before you volunteer to assist someone, ask yourself if you have the resources emotionally at that time to be of help. You may not, and this is part of self-care. You need to restore yourself first. Enlist your higher self or angels for guidance.

4)      If guilt is in the mix of your emotional state, it helps to use self-inquiry. Ask yourself if this guilt is warranted.  It most likely isn’t, and logic may replace the guilt, but even if you still believe it is, find compassion for yourself and realize everyone has done similar things at some time in their life. Forgive yourself. I recommend Byron Katie’s “The Work” for self-inquiry.

5)      Get back to your meditation if you are a meditator. This is the fastest way to shift your mental state. If you aren’t a meditator, find a teacher and learn. It is amazingly powerful. One of the dozens of benefits is gaining awareness of the thoughts that are making you feel miserable. You realize they are just thoughts and not reality.

6)      Do something physical every day. Walk, exercise, bike, yoga or some other movement. This not only gets your lymphatic system flushing out the toxins, but loosens the constrictions in your muscles. It also triggers those wonderful endorphins that give us that feeling of wellbeing.

7)      Go outside! Commune with nature. It is very restorative just sitting by a tree or driving out to the country.

8)      Journal. Another effective tool to get those thoughts out of your head and on to a page so you can become more aware. This can actually raise your consciousness.

And remember—This too shall pass. It is temporary.

There are probably many more, and I’ll bet that many of you have some good ideas. Feel free to add them in the comments section. We appreciate your contribution!

 

 

 

1 ) First sign: If it’s to be done correctly, I guess I’ll have to do it myself.

2 ) Boy, I never noticed before how most people do it wrong!

3 ) I need to get all these things done before I can relax.

4 ) There isn’t any time to relax! Everything is so unorganized.

5 ) So many people need me, the pets need me, my co-workers need me, etc. etc.

6 ) I can’t do this anymore—maybe I’ll let others just make mistakes, do it wrong! It stresses me out.

7 ) It is so hard to watch others do things wrong, but I’m learning to ‘allow’. I know it isn’t my business.

8 ) I know there is a bigger picture, a perspective of life in which we are all supported and guided by a deeper reality. I need to find that perspective.

9 ) I’m learning to become aware and still the voice in my head—that voice isn’t the real me. Its ramblings mean nothing.

10 ) I let things be as they are, knowing nothing out there needs changing. All is well.